let it rolll.

I'm watching SpongeBob when I'm supposed to be cleaning. I'm really hungry, but I'm waiting for Ben to come so we can eat. Clearly, life is interesting.

my hair is reminiscent of Sailor Moon (or at least that's what Ben says) and my clothes are a sort of 90s hipster. I dunno why I just described that.

Sometimes, I have thoughts about my life that aren't exactly true. I hate certain aspects of myself, or I want my life to be changed. I used to think about these things way too often, especially about a relationship. I was self-centered and I hated everything about myself. So, these are some things I used to think, and how I feel about them now. Here goes it....

I'm ridiculous. There is no way my life will turn out the way I want it to. Life is not going to turn out the way I want it to, if I don't want what God wants. But I think my life is turning around. I think I'm getting more to what God wants me to do, but I don't feel close enough. I don't think I ever will be exactly what God wants me to be. But that's because I'm a sinner.

I'm fat. Ugly. Hideous. No one will ever love me. CLEARLY, not true. I have a boyfriend who is not going to leave me until God wants us to separate. He thinks I'm beautiful. But that's not the important part - God made me just the way I am. God thinks I am beautiful, because he made me that way. He made me in a way that is beautiful and different and kind and loving. Yes, some people will not see this. But I am okay with that. Sometimes it's still hard to get over that confidence issue, but I am making progress. I've set myself a goal and I'm walking toward it.

I'm not worth anything. Wrong. God made me beautiful and precious. I am worth so much in His eyes, and in others' eyes. I am a creation of the Lord.

I am going to have to settle for someone that I hate. Ben has showed me something different. He's showed me that there are people that fit my expectations of what a friend and lover should be. So have all my other friends. I know I can go to Janell or Jessica with my problems, if I have any. I know I have friends who will love me and teach me and help me grow, and I will do the same for them. Ben has showed me that I can have a man with the whole package: he is a spiritual leader, will make a great provider.... He is silly and funny and obnoxious, but knows when to be serious and loving. We get along so well, I could never ever get sick of him. We have the same feelings towards politics, God, love... just everything that's important.

So. There you have it. my conclusions on my thoughts that used to fly around my head. I am different now. I am something more than I once was.

Life is beautiful. God is good.

You inspire me to sing to You.

word. I cannot sleep, so I decided to write this blog. God is so good, you guys. SO good.
I have an amazing boyfriend. amazing friends. an amazing life. sure, He throws things at me that I don't understand or even care for. but that is His amazing beauty and power.

I am creeping on people's facebooks. most notably, people's facebooks that I have not seen in a very, very long time. I kind of miss them. like my WahWah. :/ but I am talking to her right now so it's okay.

as of right now, I have 11 CDs to import. huzzah! that is 9 less than I had an hour ago. (:

well, I am pretty darn tired now that I have started writing. so, I think I am going to go and watch Atlantis till I fall asleep. goodbye, darlings.

<3

shimmy shimmy quarter turn.

I am watching Gangland right now. it's about the ARA. haha, I love the History Channel. as of right now, I'm pretty stoked for the show tonight.

Life is pretty okay right now. nothing has been going on. I have a hankering to watch Sailor Moon.

That's Sailor Moon. I also have this really weird craving to watch and/or read Tokyo Mew Mew. I'm ridiculous, slightly. because I like girly manga and anime about pre-teen girls? I suppose.

that is Tokyo Mew Mew. aren;t they cute? yeah, they are. even though they're in 7th grade. heeeeeee. Ichigo is my favorite. but that's because I like her boots. :D

I don't know what else to talk about. I'm really bad at blogging, I suppose.

Showbread's album drops in 5 days.

I'm excited. <3

Untitled.

So I wrote a poem in like five minutes, and this is what it is. It's kind of really terrible. But that's okay, I suppose. You're the only one that reads this, anyway. I like sharing my heart with you.

Dearest, hold me close,
Never let me go.
You are my home,
& all others invariably fall short.

Darling, you are my joy,
Even when I don't feel like smiling.
Keep me near for always,
Close to your heart.

Beloved, take joy in me constantly.
Love me, even till death.
Let it ne'er come between us,
For it is stronger than the grave.

Treasure, you are my one
& only, always & forever.
No one will separate me from you, Darling.
Until God do us part.

So, yeah, I  wrote that. One of the verses is inspired by Showbread's song George Romero Will Be At Our Wedding.
I think I am going to start writing more poetry. But probably not. maybe song lyrics? I'm even worse at writing those. I dunno. what do you think?