my hair is reminiscent of Sailor Moon (or at least that's what Ben says) and my clothes are a sort of 90s hipster. I dunno why I just described that.
Sometimes, I have thoughts about my life that aren't exactly true. I hate certain aspects of myself, or I want my life to be changed. I used to think about these things way too often, especially about a relationship. I was self-centered and I hated everything about myself. So, these are some things I used to think, and how I feel about them now. Here goes it....
I'm ridiculous. There is no way my life will turn out the way I want it to. Life is not going to turn out the way I want it to, if I don't want what God wants. But I think my life is turning around. I think I'm getting more to what God wants me to do, but I don't feel close enough. I don't think I ever will be exactly what God wants me to be. But that's because I'm a sinner.
I'm fat. Ugly. Hideous. No one will ever love me. CLEARLY, not true. I have a boyfriend who is not going to leave me until God wants us to separate. He thinks I'm beautiful. But that's not the important part - God made me just the way I am. God thinks I am beautiful, because he made me that way. He made me in a way that is beautiful and different and kind and loving. Yes, some people will not see this. But I am okay with that. Sometimes it's still hard to get over that confidence issue, but I am making progress. I've set myself a goal and I'm walking toward it.
I'm not worth anything. Wrong. God made me beautiful and precious. I am worth so much in His eyes, and in others' eyes. I am a creation of the Lord.
I am going to have to settle for someone that I hate. Ben has showed me something different. He's showed me that there are people that fit my expectations of what a friend and lover should be. So have all my other friends. I know I can go to Janell or Jessica with my problems, if I have any. I know I have friends who will love me and teach me and help me grow, and I will do the same for them. Ben has showed me that I can have a man with the whole package: he is a spiritual leader, will make a great provider.... He is silly and funny and obnoxious, but knows when to be serious and loving. We get along so well, I could never ever get sick of him. We have the same feelings towards politics, God, love... just everything that's important.
So. There you have it. my conclusions on my thoughts that used to fly around my head. I am different now. I am something more than I once was.
Life is beautiful. God is good.
"i am something more than i once was"
ReplyDeletethat line is killer.
it sings.
Rent, reading this makes me realize how much you are growing, learning, shaping, changing, becoming! It's so beautiful to see God's redeeming work in your life and in your words. The enemy is torturous and mean, he makes us to believe lies about ourselves and our bodies and our hearts. But, God is ever faithful, ever strong! He will stand victorious! Phil says that 'he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.' and it reminds me that we are completed in him. Completely completed. but, still works in progress. And knowing that daily we are renewed by the Spirit fills me with joy! I am honored and blessed to call you my sister......and look forward to seeing you continue to grow and change and become more beautiful (not possible, in my opinion, cause your so amazing, girl!)
Okay, I am done spamming your blog =)