life as I know it.

School is starting soon. I need to get my books, and I need to go to Welcome Day. that's on Friday. I'm scared and nervous. I'm anticipating new friends, new teachers.... it's terrifying. I've been going to a small school for as long as I can remember, and now I'm being thrust into a new world of College. I am frightened that I am not going to get it right. That my life is somehow going to turn inside out, and I won't have time for friends or family. School. busy work. jumping through hoops to do something I am only mildly interested in doing. Don't get me wrong, I love kids. I love helping and teaching. I just love music and reading more.

my passion is for my family. Not Mom and Linda, but the one I will someday have with my husband and my children. That is what I want in life. I don't want to become a teacher, or a musician. I want a caring and supportive husband who will be able to financially support my family. I want to work part time somewhere like a coffeeshop or a used book store or a library. I want my children to be either homeschooled or private schooled. maybe both. I want to give my children a passion for something. even if it's sports.

I want a family. not the broken down thing I have now. not the five-person unit with problems over their heads and people I never see. But without this family that I have now, I won't be able to appreciate the new one in my future. and without the future family, I won't be able to appreciate my mother (who's working so hard to keep our lives afloat, and to keep me on the right path to education and a fulfilling career) or Linda (who's been my disciplinarian, my instructor, and my pain-in-the-ass aunt) or Sandy and Ron (my redneck aunt and uncle, who love and support me and understand me the best out of my family). No, I need both to appreciate my life. I need what God has put in front of me. I need my family of friends, my loving boyfriend. I need Janell and Levi and Isaac and Bridget and Mom and Linda and Ben. I need these people in my life to keep me going. most importantly, I need my Jesus.